Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
