Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
