I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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