it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
