i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
