physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
