I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
