Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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