I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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