remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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