apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
