Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
