Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
