Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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