I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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