I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
