Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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