hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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