just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
