I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
