I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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