I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
