why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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