Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
