Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
