I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im holly from the hills drunk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He better not be in your backpack
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
