You're so nebulous sometimes
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
