its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
