i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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