K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
