I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A bitchslap is in order.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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