there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
