you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
