You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
