I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
