I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
