I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
