and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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