3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
