I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
