drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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