Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
