Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
