she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
