it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
