You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
