We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
