Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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