Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
