I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
no you cant smoke seaweed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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