Betty ford says i'm here all night
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize