I think I won the penis lottery.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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