I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
