I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
