At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
