I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
