I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
