it's too hot outside to masturbate.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
