marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize