I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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