Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
