wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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