Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
