Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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