Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
