I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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