My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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