There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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