you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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