I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm getting married
To pizza
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
