Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
