everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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